Finding Oneself

Warning: May Contain Rambling

In the search to find myself, I think that I have lost some attractability. I woke up this morning trying to figure out what is going on. Last night I did a new talk on Discovering the Fountain of Youth. I thought that this would be something that everyone would be interested in. Many of my clients and others that I had talked to said that they would come. One person showed up.

So I ask myself, "What's going on?" This is really incredible stuff. I put together a great powerpoint and handout. The information is my best work yet. I don't get it.

I realize that in order to be a searcher, or to have the drive to keep searching, one must be uncomfortable. This discomfort drives a person to discovery. It drives a person to redefine and refine ideas and concepts in a vain attempt to be heard and to help the masses. If I could only get comfortable with the discomfort.

I think that it is this angst that is so distracting. People may be seeing me as a troubled, stressed out mad scientist type. (Sometimes I look at myself this way) How can this be attractive?

Being ahead of the wave is not always easy. It is really hit and miss, and risk taking. I actually like this part. There is something thrilling about the chance to finally catch the big wave and ride it. I guess that this is really where my focus should be. This is attractive. The chance to catch the wave and take society with me. This rocks!

The truth is, it is all perspective. I can consider myself a mad scientist or a genius, stressed out or thrill seeker, fighting the forefront or paving the way.

Here is an example... Monday I woke up feeling depressed. I was mostly depressed about the financial hole that I have dug in pursuit of my dream practice. I told myself, "You can either be depressed about this or excited at the opportunity that you created for yourself." It is all perspective.

I will commit to pulling it together. I now focus on the thrill of the ride. I now accept the discomfort and call it driving force. I now define myself as a visionary and an entrepreneur. I am okay with leading one at a time or thousands. I find myself and I am okay.